Sophie S., Oakwood High School
The Light Switch
The way I describe anxiety to people is this: The lights are switched off. You’re enshrouded by darkness and can’t think of anything but what terrible things could happen. You’re trying to calm yourself, but ignoring the darkness is impossible.
I’ve dealt with this room for years now. Usually the lights are on, and I can see and deal with the world around me. But sometimes the darkness returns; the lights go out. Many people deal with these moments, burdens of darkness that swallow you up and grab your attention, refusing to let it go. Anxiety stares you in the face and forces you to look into the eyes of failure, of disappointment. In that second, it is impossible to fathom how you’ll get through it. It takes practice and countless instances of struggling to think straight to learn how to breathe for a second. It takes counting five things you can see, four things you can touch, and three things you can hear- which, as you can imagine, is difficult in the dark.
Quarantine was a breeding ground for anxiety, stress and depression for many teens across the world, allowing that feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen next to tap you on the shoulder every so often- reminding you it’s there, keeping you on your toes. The lights flicker off for a moment.
It took me nearly a year to find my ‘light switch,’ what calms me when that panic strikes; in fact, I’m still learning. What’s helped me to thrive during these uncertain times is meeting my essential needs first. Before a test, I used to neglect my desperate need for sleep and food. I’d forget to eat dinner and then stay up until the late hours of the night, cramming information into my brain. But when the sun rose up and peeked through the window, I was so exhausted, physically and mentally, that studying had done nothing.
The thing about thriving, though, is what works for me and what works for others may be different. But one universal thing is understanding your limits; what you have control over, and what you don’t. I’ve had to teach myself to understand that I can’t control anything in the dark. I have to find the lights first.
My advice to other teens would be to take care of yourself first- flip on your light switch because you can’t fix anybody’s problems in the dark. You have to be your own #1 priority before exhausting yourself for a test, game, or other people- your mental health matters too.
Personally, when anxiety comes creeping up on me, I force myself to take some deep breaths. I take a second to think of everything I appreciate in my life. I ensure that I’ve had a good night’s sleep and breakfast. With practice and patience, I’ve learned to breathe, to find the light switch, and open my eyes to realize that the world is not as dark as it may seem.
