Macy H., Oakwood High School
I Am Enough
“Why am I never good enough?” I say while cradling myself on the basement floor with tears of pain streaming down my face. My emotional wounds peering through my body. I ask myself again, “Why am I not enough.”
I was barely surviving. Every day I would wake up and look in the mirror. I would critique everything I wanted to change about myself. Why am I not skinny enough, why am I not smart enough, why am I not enough. Sleeping was the only time I was happy, but even when I fell asleep I was tormented by my worst fears. I hated life.
I tried to reach out a couple times but it was all in vain. It came to a point where I almost gave up. I didn’t want to give up, I wanted to be happy, but every time I tried, it only hurt more. I bottled up my pain only to let it out on a pen that dropped from my desk or a kid who said a rude comment to me.
It wasn’t until my trip to Atlanta when everything changed. I saw my cousin who shared the same scars as me but she recovered and was thriving while I was barely surviving. Seeing her gave me hope. Even though I only saw her for 2 days, those 2 days changed my life. I finally had someone who understood my anguish and listened to me. Seeing her made me believe that I could thrive too.
I slowly started to trust others and release my anger through a pen and paper instead of bottling it up. Everyday I look in the mirror and build myself up instead of tearing myself down. I go to therapy and I’m on medication. Of course I still have pain that I will carry with me throughout my high school years and the rest of my life, but my pain does not define me. It does not dictate my future, I do.
My plan for the next four years is to not fall into a dark hole again, but I know that I will never return to that path. I have fought my demons before, and they may have beat me in dozens of battles. They made me feel powerless and weak, but I pulled myself together, and with the support from my therapist, and family (specifically my mom and dad), I was able to defeat my demons. I won the war.
I am thriving. Everyday I wake up and look forward to the day instead of the next time I go back to sleep. I smile more, I laugh more, I experience anger and sadness but healthy doses of it. I now help my friends and peers battle their demons through mental wellness programs all the while taking care of myself. I will continue to thrive for the next four years and the rest of my life because I know who I am. I am enough.
