Brandon O., Centerville High School
Black Boxes
Brief darkness, then I see faces spread across my entire screen. Using my hand I brush my hair to the side, put on a smile, and join the pool of black, digital boxes. When I first imagined entering my freshman year of high school, I would have been shocked to see that it turned out like this. I expected to enter a brand new world, to meet lots of new people, and to gain many new experiences (to be fair, I have gotten a lot of the latter). But of course, plans often go astray, and then came the Coronavirus pandemic.
I remember the very first few days of virtual school, with everyone trying to adapt to this new way of learning. In Advisory, I noticed that not a single student chose to show their face. Instead, they hid with their cameras turned off. Reflecting back, I’m disappointed that I was one of these people. I told myself that it was just because everyone chose to hide. But I think I just found it easier to lay back in the shadows, rather than stand straight up in the light, where all can see. Online School provided an escape from judgement that in-person school didn’t offer. I was somewhat thankful at the time, but that went away. Even after encouragement from our teachers, it seemed nobody had the confidence to be the first.
But eventually, someone did. Suddenly, a lone digital box flicked on with life. Then another face emerged, and another. The confidence from one encouraged others to do the same. The few individuals that had chosen to reveal themselves stood out amongst the rest. It seemed as if they were on a stage, with an audience watching. I admired their carelessness to be seen, to be heard, and to lead. I realized I was acting pretty foolish. We all have our own problems, so why should I mind what others think of mine? I soon turned my camera on and decided to take part in this new high school experience.
I now add my face to the screen full of boxes without much hesitation. Hiding because you fear you won’t be accepted means you haven’t really accepted yourself. I wish I could say I have the confidence that some people have in themselves, but I think this was a good start. Somehow, a few Zoom classes taught me that by “turning on the cameras” in life, anyone can get the inner acceptance that everyone wants to achieve.
