Gabriella L., Oakwood High School
Enough
I have always wanted to change the world. I’ve always felt it, a fire that burned in my chest when I thought of the future. One of my earliest memories as a child is of sitting next to my mother’s friend and, when she asked, proudly telling her that I didn’t have time for playing. I was too busy making plans for changing the world.
In seventh grade, I started keeping a journal of my “world-changing ideas”. Admittedly, they jumped around a lot. A mental health club for my peers, a tutoring service, soup kitchens and food banks and lunch plans for those less fortunate than I. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking “big picture". I had so many ideas, but no matter what it was or how much I wanted to start helping, they were never good enough for me. Over time, I couldn’t help but feel that it was me that wasn’t good enough. I spent so much of my time thinking about all of the people that I would help, only to never do anything.
And suddenly a year had passed, I was entering eighth grade, and I had done… nothing.
I choked on feelings of misery and guilt and inadequacy. Straining for a bar I had put so far out of reach that it was unattainable. And through it all I blamed myself. But that was the problem. I wanted to help others so badly that I didn’t even notice what I was doing to myself. I was miserable because I couldn’t live up to my own impossible standards, and as a result, I wasn’t helping anyone.
So I started a new plan. This time so simple, I didn’t have to write it down. Every day, I resolved to do something kind. It could be anything, and it could be to anyone. It could be a grand gesture or a small courtesy, but I would make a conscious effort to be kind. For the first time, I was actually doing something! With each act of altruism, my world felt lighter. At each bashful smile and surprised “thanks!” I realized this changed the world. For one person, for one moment, I made a difference. And I was finally happy.
Now, as I enter ninth grade, I can look back and see how I’ve grown. I have so much living left to do, and if I want to be happy, if I want to thrive, all I need to do is be a good person. When I feel it again, the heaviness of guilt, all I have to do is remember the smiles and looks of gratitude that others have shown me. Because I may not have saved anyone’s life or solved my community’s every problem. But I can be kind, and for now, that’s enough.
